Voice of Will: Candle Lighting Ceremony for Freshmen

2004-09-30 - 9:15 p.m.
So I have a theory. The Village People would make a fortune touring China.
I say this not from wishful thinking, but from some sound facts. 1. They are one of the most requested kereoke bands in china (at least from what I hear... badly, off key, and horrible english), and they get played a lot.

Take the other night for example. We were invited to the Freshmen candle lighting ceremony. Sounds pretty innocent right? WRONG. Not when the college has 3600 freshmen. So we go into the olympic sized stadium (seats about 4 thousand, and has an olympic sized track and field. All 3600 freshmen are on the field. WE are seated right in the middle of them (we are after all a prized specimen (foreign english speaking teachers). So I have Rae on my shoulders to see better, and William Jr. and Zeb are on either side of me. The kids are a SMASH. When Rae waves, she gets 1000 waves back. Freshmen are calling out for us to come over and see them.

Then the ceremony starts so we sit down. Imagine listening to speaches for 2 hours. Now put that in chinese. Now put that into translated english by some students. Imagine some of the speaches giving awards for ghu only knows what... at one point I thought my gall bladder had started a revolution to attempt to seize my brain, and thus end its suffering. Thankfully my small intestine quashed this revolution.

We were spared from further agony by a very high class/snazzy musical session. It was chinese opera. The singers had some very good range, and talent and the dancers could dance, and they looked good.
Then comes .... the village people. (YMCA) now just visualize this. 3600 freshmen, 200 foreign teachers, and about 2000 spectators doing the YMCA. Now put most of them in green fatigue pants, and khaki shirts.... is your head huring enough yet? No?

Next song.... the macarena. I'm not kidding. And now the foreign teachers are being called on stage... so who should go? RAE!!

As the old saying goes, all good things must eventually come to an end. right? Well sort of. We were asked to participate in a television interview for the province television. We were briefed on the Moon festival (a time for families to come togehter, and a time for people for people to think about others with their families.) So we have been on chinese television 2x now. (see previous entry about surrealism.)

Will

Voice of Will: Cheap Tailors

2004-09-26 - 3:08 p.m.
So I really am starting to like china. Ok yes there are things that bother me, like the very interesting smell that periodically wafts over us, or the wonderful taste of coal in the air some mornings, or the apparent lack of dental hygene.

But one of the things I really like is the ability to shop for certain things. Take today for instance. I went out about a week ago and got fitted for a suit. The suit was custom made for me, measured, cut and lined. The total damage was 250 yuan (now that sounds like a lot right?) but remember the currency exchange. 8 yuan for a dollar. that means this custom light wool blend suit cost a little over $30 US. I picked it up today, and it fits incredibly well. Beautiful, comfortable, and lined with satin.

So I put on the dark grey suit (I didn't want to try for a pinstriped suit just yet, I thought I might look like a funny balloon). According to my wife the suit "brings out your Italian side." What makes this so funny is that to the best of my knowledge, I'm not italian (not even a little bit). But in this suit, I look like a mob enforcer (from the movies.)

And this works out perfectly for me. I am supposed to teach a film class on the gangster genre in about 2 weeks. I think I'll wear in the suit....


Will

Voice of Will: Birthday in China 31 years old

2004-09-25 - 9:52 p.m.
So yesterday was my birthday. My 31st birthday. That would mean that no one under 30 can trust me, and my life has just started (if you believe the adages).

It was a very nice day. My children woke me up with wonderful hugs and kisses (they usually do every other day too), we went to breakfast with all the other staff, my kids kept prompting everyone to know it was my birthday. So I got about 50 happy birthdays before breakfast was over. My class had a wonderful time watching "Some Like it hot."

My wife and kids went out shopping for birthday presents for me. I got a dragon bracelet from my oldest son William, a werewolf skull bracelet from my youngest son Zebbediah, and Alien vs. Predator from my youngest child, my daughter Raedrael. I wore the braclets linked together for most of the day. I kept getting hugs and kisses from my kids (it was nice,but getting on my nerves by bed time), and my wife gave me a wonderful present... a smile. To me when you give a gift you know if it has worked if the person who got the gift is smiling afterward. Well I was smiling, so her job was accomplished.

My mom called today (sept 25th for us) because my birthday happened for her (sept 24th in the states). I was out so I missed the call, but I will call her on our normal time (monday morning for us is sunday night for her).

and my birthday presents continued today, I got to go to ZhungZhou (pronounced JungJo) for the day without kids. It was a fun trip.

Will

Voice of Will: Pets in China

2004-09-23 - 7:58 p.m.
So having looked over the rules for the foreign teachers flat, we discovered we can only have pets that live in an aquarium. Ok. So we have the fish, and they have babies... And I decided to get the turtles (their names are pokey and speedy).

Now since it has to live an aquarium, we have made our aquarium a terrarium (half water and half land), and the turtles are terribly happy. We are currently looking for several types of frogs (they run wild around here, so we just might find one and stick him in. But we mostly want a snake.

Now in china, the people seem to have a love hate relationship with the snake (I personally don't think it is too healthy, but they seem to like the dichotomy). On one hand they detest snakes, even seeing one can bring bad luck, and hearing the screams from a simple gardner snake is rather funny. And snakes blood is considered so powerful it is used as an aphordisac and is supposed to cure impotancy. OK. Maybe all they really need to see is one well done snake dance... but I digress.

But I want a nice boa constrictor. A python of somesort, but apparently they are not pets here. I'll just have to look harder... after all the rules state whatever pet you get has to live in an aquarium.

They should be glad I'm not sticking a puppy/kitten in an empty aquarium (that is just the wannabe lawyer in me)

Will

2011 Note-  We discovered later that part of the reason people in China are predisposed against snake is that it is widely believed (albeit incorrectly) that snake was the reason for SARS. 

Voice of Will: Unpacking

2004-09-21 - 7:48 a.m.
So having fully unpacked our 10 suitcases, and 5 carry-on bags, we have noticed some things. We are currently missing

1 boys leather baseball glover
1 sealed ziplock bag of 1000 legos
1 left Yu-gi-oh sandal
1 Quantum Pad cartridge for 3rd grade math.

Now before we came we checked out what we could bring into and take out of china. The only seciton that comes to mind is the rather broad, "not in the interest of the PRC" clause. They did not specifically state what exactly was not in the interest of the PRC, I think they leave that up to the very serious customs officials, who actually look like their passport photos.

I'm still trying to puzzle out how exactly a baseball glove (which they don't seem to sell over here), and legos (which they do sell here) and 1 left sandal constitute a "not in the interest of the PRC" thingee.... I'm reminded of McGuiver for some odd reason... what could you do with those things?????
(actually, I'm pretty sure some schlep at LAX actually stole those items, but I like the mysteriousness of "not in the interest of the PRC")


Will

Note 2011- We discovered later that it was security at LAX that "lost" the items.  However, when we checked with the airport they declared that those items were never found.  I still think someone walked off with them. -Crissy

Voice of Will: Pistachio Ice Cream

2004-09-21 - 1:38 p.m.
So, I have discovered that many American companies send the products they cannot possibly sell to America or western Europe to china.

No really. They must do it. How else can you explain a ketchup flavored potato chip? Chili flavored? C antelope ice cream? String bean ice cream? Kettle corn ice cream?

I'm not joking. I just took the kids out to the local ice cream parlor, and we choose things from the menu from the pictures. the kids each chose something called rainbow swirl that looked like rainbow sherbet, and I took a banana split.

The rainbow sherbet tasted like kettle corn. And the banana split... well it did have 3 scoops of ice cream, and bananas, but string bean ice cream? Something that looked like chocolate but tasted like mud, and I think pistachio ice cream.... The funny part is when you look at it like one big adventure it is actually kind of nice.

Will

Voice of Will: Interesting Place

2004-09-20 - 9:29 a.m.
China is an interesting place. So yesterday was the Introduction to freshmen and their families. What does this mean to us? It means we got to stand around the administration building for 2 hours, with surging throngs of chinese nationals who spoke very little to no english, while being eyed like we were prize exhibits in a zoo.
I didn't really mind it much. I got to stand around, and have people ask me in chinese (which I don't pretend to even understand) to come and take a picture with their little ... johnny? Ok, so I feel like a santa claus in a shopping mall on Dec 23 with all those wonderful children sitting on my lap getting their pictures... just smile and nod.

The kids were a terrific hit. (we knew they would be) They had crowdes 3 or 4 deep around them the whole time. I really hope all this attention doesn't spoil my already wonderful children... I even got to play "monster" with a 4 year old chinese girl. She came in with her father and older brother (freshman). I had the kids play with her after the initial shock of foreigners wore off. then I snuck up on her and...

"RRRROOOOAAAARRRR!!!!" Lots of giggles, and she hid behind her father lauging. So I stomped after her a little, hearing the shrieks of glee. The kids loved it, her father was laughing, and so were the students stuck in the registration lines... so I guess mission accomplished.

Will

Voice of Will: Adjusting

2004-09-17 - 9:15 a.m.
One of the biggest things I have had to adjust to is the bathrooms. China does not use US toilets (unless you are lucky). Their bathroom facilities are a trench in the floor, you squat over it, and use it. You bring your own TP, and you do not flush it (it goes in the trash). This takes some serious getting used to.

the other big difference is the current traffic laws.... there don't seem to be any. When you drive you take your life into your hands. Yes there are lines and lanes on the road. No one follows them. Yes there are road signs, but no one follows them. Stop lights, stop signs, traffic signals are all just *suggestions* I have seen a slow moving bicycle cart on the right, being passed by a motorcycle on the left, with a car passing in the oncoming traffic lane, with a motorcycle passing that car on the opposite sidewalk. All of them blaring down the road, honking their horns at each other. I'll be they should have some major accidents....

And the last major thing I have noticed is the level of pollution. You can actually taste it in the air somedays. Yesterday for example, you could only see about 500 yards total. and you only had about 200 yards of clear vision. the rest was a sort of hazy bluriness. Now couple that with driving, and imagine how things just JUMP out at you

Will

Voice of Will: Surreal

2004-09-17 - 11:18 p.m.
So the school I'm teaching at started 2 weeks ago, but this weekend is parents weekend, and the freshmen arrive this weekend, so there are lots of events going on on campus.

First some background. SIAS is the first American owned college in China. It is owned by a chinese national who has dual citizenship in the US. It was started 6 years ago with 200 students, and 13 teachers. Today there are 10000 students, and I believe over 250 instructors. SIAS offers the largest number of foreign faculty of any college in china.

So we go to one of the events, an evening "concert." I put "" around that word because it is very similar to a battle of the bands and kereoke (sp) at the same time. So we are watching the beginning, and there is a delay. One of the foreign teachers who speaks incredible chinese gets up with a guitar and starts working the crowd (about 1000 students, faculty, the owner and his parents, and faculty from neighboring schools. It is also being broadcast via FM radio and some television in the province) Well the foreign teacher thinks it should be fun to get other foreign teachers on stage. Guess who is the only ones to answer his call? My kids.
So we go down the stairs, the crowd parts like j-lo for a new fiancee and we find ourselves on stage. And we sing " If your happy and you know it clap your hands.... "

Now I'll give you a minute to digest this mental picture. An amphitheatre with 1000 chinese nationals who speak about grade school english, singing and dancing to "If your happy and you know it..." That is not to mention picturing me, and the kids doing this on stage. Needless to say it was a lot of fun, and the audience loved the kids. My kids are hams and loved it.

so we get off stage to thunderous applause, and the band who set up behind us starts the opening chords for "Hotel California." This stops me almost dead in my tracks. Then I hear the song.... in chinese.
so I get the kids to bed, and go out with some new friends to a local food place. I have a Fosters beer in one hand, a pepperoni (fake) pizza (real cheese though) in the other hand, and I hear rap from the CD player. "In the citttyyyy of compton!"

Yes the surrealism is complete, I can feel my eyeballs go 'click'.


Will

Voice of China: Baby Fish

2004-09-15 - 6:27 p.m.
Well we are grandparents (sort of). Our fish just had babies. It was kind of sudden and very unexpected. (well probably not unexpected for the pregnant fish).

My daughter Rae has decided we have to name them Nemo (he's the one with the black eyes daddy), and then Charles # (where the number is increased for each new charles.) We currently have 37 charles's and charles mom and charles dad and nemo.

We have a little store nearby that sells very small turtles, and I want to get 2, but my kids reminded me that turtles eat fish. I had to remind them they didn't eat Charles's.

Will

Voice of Will: Been a while

2004-09-14 - 3:51 p.m.
Wow. As you can tell I have been away for a while. Ok... 18 months isn't a while, it is a life time, or many many lifetimes if you are a tste fly. I haven't forgotten about my blog, but each time I go to get online to update it, I get side tracked.

So a quick rundown.

My father in law found out he had liver cancer in Jan 03.

He died on April 1, 2003.

We (my wife and I) both graduated with dual bachelors degrees on May 15, 2003.

My wife got her Masters degree on Aug 23, 2004 (15 months for a masters isn't bad), and we moved to CHINA on Aug 24, 2004.

So we have been in china all of 2 weeks. I am definately a stranger in a strange land. We are 14 hours ahead of where we were in Flagstaff. So when I see dates, I have to remember I actually have one more day.
Let me tell you about driving in china. Road signs, the lanes on the road, and even traffic laws are all just "suggestions." No I mean it. You have bikes, and slow moving carts on the right hand side of the road, and you pass on the left. Ok that makes sense, but people don't stick in any kind of lane. They are all over the road. I've even seen (my buss did this) a car pass another car passing another car passing a bus (on a 2 lane road) our bus was on the left most sidewalk inches away from pedestrians who were dodging inside of shops. And the way you let others know where you are is to constantly honk your horn. needless to say any trip by bus, or cab is a hair raising adrenaline rush. The new video games coming out should come here, and make Driving in china, as the next grand theft auto game. I'll have more to tell and share later.

Will

Voice of Will: Flowers for Crissy

2004-09-14 - 7:17 p.m.
China is pretty awesome, but very scary, and slightly arousing!!
Oh man is this place just fun. For example for crissys birthday (today for you, and it has passed for me) I decided to get her some flowers. So I had someone watch the kids, and took a cab downtown. (taking a cab is literally taking your life into your hands but what the heck). I get to the flower shop, and in china you bargain for everything. If you don't bargain they will literally skin you alive. They don't have any respect for you and are rather mean if you don't. so I bargain over everything. I choose out a live tree, a dozen roses, an exquisite blown glass vase, and several fake flower arrangements. They don't speak english and i dont speak chinese.

How did we bargain you ask? Good question young padowan. I took a notebook, and a pencil and we bargained in pencil.

so I finish bargaining, and I think they asked me where I was going, so I showed them the other side of the notebook which has the school name on it, they reply SIAS. OK. And rattle off some more chinese. I dont' understand, but I'm hoping they are asking HOW are you getting there. So I say TAXI. And they start shaking their heads and waving their hands. I'm now very confused. They go outside and holler down a bicycle cart (you sit in the back, have a canopy over you, and the rider pedals you) The first guy pulls up and looks at me and my packages, grunts shakes his head and rides off. The little (about 4' tall) shopkeeper comes running out yelling at him and shaking her fist at him. She looks at me, and seems apologetic. Then this little old man (lots more grey in his hair than color, and railpost thin) rides up, and motions for me to get in. So I climb in his cart and they start loading me up. I've got the dozen roses in my arms, the vase under my feet, a fake flower display between my feet/knees, and 1 live tree on my right side. They place a 2nd tree on the left (I didn't bargain for it, or even buy it they just threw it in), and place my last flower display in the only available place left. MY CROTCH. So I'm stuck in the back of this cart, flowers and colors everywhere and an ORCHID CROTCH. I'm smiling, and some joker leans in with a camera and takes the picture (I want a copy of it, but he just kept walking). So we ride....

Now chinese road directions, speed, road signs, and even stop lights are ALL just *suggestions* The drivers here don't follow any rythme or reason I can figure out. YOu go around everyone, even on the other side of the road. And it is all one big game of chicken. (they must have some doosie car accidents). Well here we are, fully loaded with me, and flowers in the back, and we are riding in the middle of the road the 2.5 KM home. Cars are zipping by on both sides, honking their horns. and this little guy just keeps peddlings. We were going so fast we even out ran a motorcycle. All for only 5 yuan (or about $.60)

Will