Voice of Will: Flowers for Crissy

2004-09-14 - 7:17 p.m.
China is pretty awesome, but very scary, and slightly arousing!!
Oh man is this place just fun. For example for crissys birthday (today for you, and it has passed for me) I decided to get her some flowers. So I had someone watch the kids, and took a cab downtown. (taking a cab is literally taking your life into your hands but what the heck). I get to the flower shop, and in china you bargain for everything. If you don't bargain they will literally skin you alive. They don't have any respect for you and are rather mean if you don't. so I bargain over everything. I choose out a live tree, a dozen roses, an exquisite blown glass vase, and several fake flower arrangements. They don't speak english and i dont speak chinese.

How did we bargain you ask? Good question young padowan. I took a notebook, and a pencil and we bargained in pencil.

so I finish bargaining, and I think they asked me where I was going, so I showed them the other side of the notebook which has the school name on it, they reply SIAS. OK. And rattle off some more chinese. I dont' understand, but I'm hoping they are asking HOW are you getting there. So I say TAXI. And they start shaking their heads and waving their hands. I'm now very confused. They go outside and holler down a bicycle cart (you sit in the back, have a canopy over you, and the rider pedals you) The first guy pulls up and looks at me and my packages, grunts shakes his head and rides off. The little (about 4' tall) shopkeeper comes running out yelling at him and shaking her fist at him. She looks at me, and seems apologetic. Then this little old man (lots more grey in his hair than color, and railpost thin) rides up, and motions for me to get in. So I climb in his cart and they start loading me up. I've got the dozen roses in my arms, the vase under my feet, a fake flower display between my feet/knees, and 1 live tree on my right side. They place a 2nd tree on the left (I didn't bargain for it, or even buy it they just threw it in), and place my last flower display in the only available place left. MY CROTCH. So I'm stuck in the back of this cart, flowers and colors everywhere and an ORCHID CROTCH. I'm smiling, and some joker leans in with a camera and takes the picture (I want a copy of it, but he just kept walking). So we ride....

Now chinese road directions, speed, road signs, and even stop lights are ALL just *suggestions* The drivers here don't follow any rythme or reason I can figure out. YOu go around everyone, even on the other side of the road. And it is all one big game of chicken. (they must have some doosie car accidents). Well here we are, fully loaded with me, and flowers in the back, and we are riding in the middle of the road the 2.5 KM home. Cars are zipping by on both sides, honking their horns. and this little guy just keeps peddlings. We were going so fast we even out ran a motorcycle. All for only 5 yuan (or about $.60)

Will